Scarred Heart
by Angel Lupin
Summary: <html><head></head>This is an AU SiriusXRemus story in which Remus is married to Nymphadora who dies in a car crash. Leaving him covered in scars and alone with their 4 month old Teddy. After losing his wife he meets her cousin Sirius Black...</html>
1. How it Started

Remus J. Lupin lived a normal happy life with his wife. He had a wonderful job as a high school english teacher. And his wife worked as a hair stylist. Things were perfect and starting to get even better when his son Teddy was born. Teddy looked so much like both of his parents which made them smile. Life was good for the man but how long could it stay good? Remus Lupin had a streak of bad luck as a child. A held a firm belief that he was cursed. That when things were at there best for him, everything would come falling down.

"Nymphadora have you seen my lucky tie" the older man shouted throwing clothes everywhere in search for his tie.

"Yes I'm ironing it sweety" the woman shouted with a chuckle causing her husband to growl.

"Gah. I just feel so out of it today ya know" he mumbled taking the tie from his wife with a sad smile.

"I know but you don't need to worry. Your family loves me and will love Teddy just as much. Besides have you seen him? He's to cute to be disliked" Nymphadora said with a bright smile.

Remus nodded and picked up his son. The boy was so cute it made his heart ache. He'd help make this bundle of joy. This adorable living,breathing boy in his arms. Could life be any better. Just then his cell phone rang loudly.

"Hello" he said though it sounded more like a question.

"Yo Rem you still brining Teddy by for the 'play date' thing Sunday" James asked. James Potter was Remus's best friend and a very brilliant man. He was married as well to a wonderful woman named Lily. And they had a very handsome son named Harry who was five.

"Of course" Remus said with a soft smile. He talked to James a bit more before hanging up. Remus met James and Lily two years ago threw Nymphadora. James new her cousin, the one on the side of the family that hated her. This guy named Sirius, whom James often told stories about. But Remus had never met him. With the way James talked about him though he really wished he could.

"Ready Remmy" Nymphadora said with a grin kissing her husband on the cheek.

The drive to the Lupin house wasn't a long one but Teddy had fallen asleep before they reached it. Which meant they could talk with Remus's parents a bit before he awoke. They talk a lot about what to do with Teddy since both Remus and Nymphadora worked. And about if they'd mind being his god parents. Half way threw there talk little Teddy woke up.

An hour later they left Nymphadora driving since Remus was a bit tired.

"Hey Remmy you up" she whispered to her husband.

"mmhmm" he groaned out shifting a bit to look at her.

"I love you" she said with a bright smile that made his heart ache.

"Love you too Dora" he said.

Just then a driver swerved into there lane. Causing Nymphadora to turn and flip the car. What happened next was all a blur to Remus. Doctors,lights,sounds,screaming,crying and blood. Lots of blood. Who's he didn't know in all honesty he didn't know if he was alive or dead. His body felt so numb and his mind felt so blank. He was still so tired and so scared. He willed himself awake long enough to hear the nurse say "Mister Lupin were sorry...your wife didn't make it".


	2. Blurry

Remus awoke in a haze eyes shifting around the hospital room. His whole body felt sickeningly numb. The sunlight was blinding as he opened he turned over. Greeted by a nurse with a very sad smile. She didn't say a word just check his vitals and left. He was thankful for this, Remus was sure if he spoke nothing would come out. His throat felt like it had been fill with super glue. His mind has completely left him. His vast knowledge of words was useless right now. The only one on his mind was Nymphadora. Her voice was stuck in his head. That final 'I love you' played back over and over again. Until it seemed it was all he knew.

A few days later Remus took Teddy home. Thankfully Teddy was alright. In the haze of it all he'd nearly forgotten he had a son, or parents for that matter. Who offered to let him stay with them. He declined feeling the need to be home. And when he entered his beautiful home he still felt numb. The feeling didn't go away even after feeding, bathing and changing his son. The first thing he felt was loss. It hit him hard like a baseball bat to the gut. He walked downstairs and the sunset cast a sad shadow on his wedding picture. Nymphadora's face was glowing and from the angle he was standing it looked like she had a halo.

This hurt, was all he thought before dropping hard to his knees. He cried for hours and hours body shaking. His heart felt as though someone had taken it and torn it in two. He lost track of how long he'd been crying until he heard Teddy crying. Still shaking he made his way upstairs to his son. Whom he rocked softly until they both fell asleep in the chair.

The next four or five days were spent locked in the house. Doing the same thing day after day and breaking down each time Teddy fell asleep. Remus finally felt better until he turned on the local news.

"Local English teacher Remus J. Lupin was in a car crash last week with his wife and son. Both Remus and son Theodore made it out alive. However sadly Nymphadora Lupin did not. The driver of the car that caused the crash is alive and being sent to jail. For texting while driving thus causing the death of this innocent women".

Those words, they stung like a bee in his heart. His wife was dead because some arsehole was texting. He lost all composure he had. He grabbed anything with in arms length and threw it. Things broke someone screamed. He no longer knew what was going on. The sheer rage inside the man couldn't be cooled. And he felt like the monster he looked like. He cried and scream and broke everything in sight. Until the softest voice he'd ever heard whispered in his ear.

"Stop Remmy your scaring Teddy" the voice said. He took a deep breath and turned around. No one was there. But he could hear his son screaming finally and rushed up stairs. His body ached but he held his son and sang. Losing track of the time, the day, his mind, but it didn't matter. Because he had Teddy and that meant things had to get better. Or at least he hopped so. Yawning Remus put his son to bed, took a quick shower and passed out.

The next day the light flooded in hurting his eyes. The peaceful dawn though sadly cut short by Teddy screaming yet again. Making his way slowly out of bed he picked up his son with a smile.

"Ya know for something so small you scream very loud" Remus mumbled out with a chuckle throat still sore from last night. But before he could even reach the bottom step there was a loud pounding and shouting.

"Remus open up it's James I'm worried" the man shouted banging even harder then before.

"Coming. Just hold on a sec please" he groaned unlocking the door with a fake smile on his face.

There stood not only James but Peter as well. Peter and James worked together and Remus had only met him a handful of times. And then there was him, a man Remus had never seen. Black curly shoulder length hair, dark brown eyes. His left eye brow was pierced and so was his nose. And from what he could see the man have several tattoos.

"Hello James,Peter, and umm who ever you are" Remus said with a soft laugh. But James didn't look amused at all.

"There was a call last night from a few of your neighbors to the precinct. They were worried about you it seems you were screaming and crying and breaking things. Rem you okay" James asked putting a hand on the other mans shoulder with a smile.

"Yeah I kinda broke down but I'll be fine no cause for worry" the man in question mumbled out his throat still very sore.

"That may be but your house says otherwise. Listen this is Sirius-" he said gesturing to the once unknown man. "He's, her cousin and he wanted to be here to help anyway possible. I trust Sirius with my life and I know he seems like a scary guy but he's not. So until the funeral is done and over with he'll be staying with you. Just to make sure you stay healthy and semi-happy".

Remus nodded shaking Sirius's hand. The three men followed him to the kitchen. No one talked while Remus made coffee or fed Teddy. So he went upstairs and washed the boy up before setting him down to play in his room.

"Everyone else left" Sirius said when Remus entered the kitchen. "Harry had a doctors appointment and Pete needed a nap".

"Oh alright then" the younger man said grabbing the broom and garbage bags. He wasn't really up to cleaning up he didn't like the idea much of being alone with a man he barely knew. Even if he was Nymphadora cousin.

"Need any help" a voice said breaking his thoughts.

"Ummm yeah the vacuums' in the hall closet if you could vacuum up the carpet so that'd be great" Remus whispered watching the man walk past him. This guy gave him the chills, both his arms were covered in tattoo's. And he was strong from what Remus could see. The man had some muscles unlike him. Remus was skinny,soft brown hair,amber eyes and no tattoo or piercings.

The rest of the day was filled with an awkward tense silence. Though Sirius seemed to want to talk he never said much. Only asking where to put things or for a glass of water. By dinner time much to Remus's great relief the house was clean. So he made a very nice home cook meal and sat down with Sirius and Teddy to eat. The black haired man smiled and said thank you before eating. And for such a scary looking man he ate rather nicely.

"So how olds this one" Sirius said motioning towards Teddy.

"Oh he's only 4 months" Remus said eyes wandering over to his giggling son.

"Teddy right, Like uncle Ted" Sirius asked with a soft smile.

"Yeah" Remus mumbled. "Umm so do those tattoo's mean anything or are they just for show" he asked at least trying to help make conversation.

"Oh each tells a story, this paw print is my nickname. James and Peter call me Padfoot, dogs just love me" Sirius replied with a laugh.

"Oh, you know Peter to" the younger man asked shifting softly in his seat so he could look at Sirius better.

"Yep back in our school days we formed a bit of a club. The Marauders, but we felt odd every club has a brilliant, quiet guy who kind of avoids trouble. But we never had a guy like that so we often got in a shit load of trouble"

Remus laughed as Sirius told stories of his school days. The pranks they pulled, the ways they got out of things. How he picked up girls. The tales went on and on well into the night after Teddy had fallen asleep.

"Hey do you have any beer" Sirius asked. Nodding Remus arose and got the older man some.

"So Remus you've yet to tell me some things about you" Sirius pointed out.

"Oh hmm I'm 27, I teach English at a high school. My favorite color is red and I love the moon and reading. I'm not all that interesting" he mumbled taking a sip of his drink.

"What's your favorite book" Sirius asked with a gleam in his eyes.

"Great Expectations by Charles Dickens. Dear god I've read that book so many times I can quote it perfectly. The copy I have is so warn out it's falling apart. I'm keeping it held together with tape" he said laughing softly.

"See your interesting you just have to talk about things you know and love" Siris said with a soft grin.

They talked a bit more before heading off to bed. Remus feeling slightly better. Though the next day was busy and filled with placing calls and making arguments. His mind was racing a mile a minute now just too keep up. So many people to deal with all in one day, the first one being their health insurance provider. Who was a total arsehole, and very rudely told Remus they needed her full medical history and a copy or her death certificate. It was bad enough he had to think about her dying but to be lashed out at by the people who were suppose to make it easier. He was feeling even worse now, his mind was bringing back images of his sweet 'Dora. All he could do to keep from crying was bite his arm.

"Remus ya hungry I made grilled cheese" Sirius said in a very up beat tone as he opened the door.

"Yeah I could go for some food I guess" he mumbled following the black haired man into the kitchen.

Lunch was fairly nice and they made idol chit chat until Remus began to cry a bit. Confessing how overwhelmed he felt and how even though it'd been nearly two weeks it still felt like it happened only hours ago. How cruel the person had be with him on the phone didn't help. But Sirius just smiled and hugged him tightly.

"I understand. My baby brother Regulus died 6 months ago. I never thought I'd care if he died, I knew it would happen sooner or later I man he hung out with such awful people. But it still hurt and try as I might to act like I don't care I did. So one night three weeks after his death I went out drinking. I ended up in seven different fights and went home with a broken rib and jaw. I learned that you can't escape the pain even if you try because you let them in. But it gets easier over time you just have to take a deep breath and keep on moving".

They stood there for what seemed like hours before Sirius suggest going with him to both the hospital and funeral home. Thus easing a bit of Remus's worry. They even planned to buy her a new dress to lay her in. The one she'd had her eye one for over six months. Remus only hoped they still had it. The drive to the hospital wasn't long and when they arrived everyone was nice. The nurses flirted with Sirius and gave Teddy kisses and candy.

The drive to the funeral home was about an hour and very saddening. Since they had to drive on the road that had just killed his wife not even a month ago. Remus pulled over and cried for a moment as Sirius held him. Teddy also started crying so for nearly an hour they just sat still in the car and cried. Teddy fell asleep and Sirius forced Remus to let him drive. Once they arrived however they both just sat there. Remus didn't want to go in. Doing this would mean she was really dead. And a huge part of him still just couldn't face that.


	3. Goodbye Love

Sirius smiled placing his hand softly on Remus's shoulder after noticing the fear in the mans eyes. He knew that no words could make this easier for Remus. Hell the man was stronger then most he'd seen lose a loved one. So Sirius wasn't going to push him he'd sit there with his new friend as long as it took. Even if it took well into next month. The air was thick with fear and pain. But no one spoke even Teddy was silent in the back. The only sound was the soft breathing and the wind outside the car. Sirius began to wonder if Remus could do this? Or was it far to soon for him to be trying.

Remus's eyes made there way to the hand on his shoulder. He'd only known Sirius for a day yet the man was being so kind. For this Remus was truly thankful. He'd never really had a friend so he didn't know what to say. Right now his mind was spinning with fear, and he didn't think he could handle being here. He wished he could put this behind him like he did with so many other things. But sadly this was real and no matter how he tried it wouldn't just go away. A single tear ran down his cheek and fell off his chin. Then another and another until they just wouldn't stop. He was barely aware he was crying until Sirius hugged him.

They stayed embraced for a while until Remus began to feel better. He pulled away slowly and smiled taking a deep breath and staring at Sirius. He hopped that the older man had some answers but his eyes were filled with the same pain Remus's were. So again he took a deep breath and closed his eyes. Unlocking the doors and grabbing Teddy. The three stood there for a moment allowing the wind to blow threw there hair. It stung a bit on Remus's face but he didn't mind right now.

The funeral parlor wasn't as bad as he thought it would be. The young man there was very polite while showing them around. Explaining prices and talking about each casket. And when Remus began crying again the boy didn't judge or mock him. He simply got him some tissue and stayed silent. He continued once Remus was finished like he hadn't even started crying. The other person there was an elderly lady who was the one that would dress and prepare Nymphadora's body. She was also a very nice women and allowed Remus to see his wifes body. Which he wasn't sure he could handle but did it anyway.

She looked amazing in her favorite mid-night blue dress. Her soft bubblegum pink hair and pale pink lips. It was almost like she was just sleeping oh how he wished that was the case. She was heavenly looking and he felt a sudden ache in his chest. It should be him laying on that table not her. If he hadn't been so tired she wouldn't have driven. And then maybe she'd still be here for her son. What good was Remus to the boy anyway he was so broken now. He needed her but she was gone. And suddenly like before he began to sob falling hard on the ground. Sirius who was holding Teddy rushed over to the man. Handing the boy over to the sweet lady so he could hold Remus. Who just shook in his arms for a while.

When all was said and done and they had made all the arrangements Remus felt better. He was starting to feel like he could move on or at least let the pain dull.

"You okay" Sirius asked as they began to leave.

"Yeah I think so. Minus this headache and overwhelming urge to throw up that is" the shorter man said with a soft chuckle.

"That goes away after a few beers" Sirius murmured getting into the car.

The drive home was done mostly in silence until Sirius spoke.

"Your a strong man" he said with a soft smile.

"I'm a what" Remus responded eyes shifting to look at the older man for a second.

"I know people who months and months after a loved one died they just stayed locked away from the world. But your doing so much in only a months time. Your a very strong man Remus Lupin. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise" Sirius announced as though he was giving a grand speech.

"I am far from strong. I'm only able to do this because of Teddy. I have to show some kind of strength for him, even if I do just keep breaking down" Remus admitted with a soft sigh.

"That my friend is strength. Were only truly strong when we've found someone to be strong for" the older man argued with a grin.

Remus stayed silent for a while thinking over what Sirius said. Was he strong because he had someone to be strong for? He had to admit that it made a lot of sense. Sirius hadn't seemed like a wise man but Remus was starting to change his opinion of the man. This man who seemed shallow at first was a very deep very kind man. Which man the younger one think. It was true you could never judge a book by it's cover fully. Because he hadn't like Sirius cover but the pages so far were very nice.

Arriving at the house they made quick work of getting Teddy up stairs and to bed before he had time to fully wake up. With a small smile Remus sat down by Sirius and turned on the telly. Handing the black haired man a beer they drank and talked about odd things. Sirius love of tattoos and art. How he really wanted to fly a jet pack, and oddest of all Sirius's sexuality. Sirius was bi he didn't believe loved had a gender. Remus was shocked but didn't mind he was never one too judge. He hated it when people judged him.

"Hey Remus can I ask something" Sirius asked with a bright grin on his face.

"Sure what is it" Remus responded before taking another sip of his beer.

"How'd ya meet her" Sirius asked slightly nervous about saying his cousins name.

Remus laughed softly and set his drink down. His eyes scanned around the room finding the photo album and tossed it to Sirius. Who opened it to the first page and saw something very sweet. A picture of Remus and Nymphadora holding hands in spring. He'd never in all his years seen his cousin smile so brightly.

"It was early spring on a Sunday" Remus began sitting back down.

_It was early spring as Remus made his way down the hall to the elevator. He nearly fell trying to catch it he was already late as is. Shouting loudly in hopes someone would be kind enough to stop it for him. And someone was a beautiful blonde women he'd never seen before._

_"Hello" he said panting softly._

_"Hi" the woman responded holding out her hand to shake his. "I'm Nymphadora and you" she asked very politely. _

_"Remus, and it's a pleasure to meet you" he said shaking her hand softly. "You new here" he asked hopefully. _

_"No just visiting my friend Emmeline" she said with a giggle. "What about you?"_

_"I sadly live here" he said with a nervous laugh. _

_"Why sadly this place can't be that bad" Nymphadora said eyes looking into Remus's causing his heart to nearly stop. _

_"It is when your roof leaks and the super won't fix it cause he's a prick. Pardon my language" he groaned out shifting softly to get a better look at her. _

_"No need I swear like a sailor half the time. And sorry about your roof" she added with a cute smile on her face that made him all but blush to death. _

_"No need I'm use to it" he said as they stepped off the elevator sadly. "Hey you wanna go get something to eat later?"_

_The blonde woman grinned and wrote her number down on a piece of paper handing it to him. She left a second later leaving Remus a blushing mess. After his interview he called her and asked her out for lunch. _

_"I'm glad you called" she said softly taking a bite of her pizza._

_"How could I not, I was lucky enough to meet a pretty girl who didn't turn me down" Remus said with a soft laugh causing Nymphadora to blush a bright red. _

_"So what do you do for a living" she asked as soon as she remembered how to talk._

_"I'm trying to get into teaching. I've always wanted to be a teacher. I love helping people and learning it just seems to put both together and I can still get summers off" he said before taking a sip of his drink._

_"Wow I could never do that. I teach by screaming at someone until they get it right" she said laughing a bit._

_"That's the same way my father taught me how to tie my shoes" Remus said laughing hard. Nymphadora joined him and they caught eachothers eyes. _

_"So Nymphadora that's a very beautiful name but it's long. May I call you Dora" he asked reaching out to take her hand. _

_"Sure, I hate Nymphadora anyway" the woman in question responded taking the mans hand in her own. _

_They finished their meal and went on a long stroll. Past the lovely lit up shops and the wonderful park. Time had escaped them but it didn't matter they didn't want to be anywhere else right now. Neither could remember ever being this happy on a date before. Hearts skipped beats each time they locked eyes. The skin that touched felt as though it was on fire. It was all so perfect and seemed to just get better and better. _

_"I love the moon" Remus whispered eyes staring at the round white thing above them. _

_"It is very beautiful isn't it" Nymphadora added cuddling closer to him._

_The moonlight danced softly around them and Remus tilted Nymphadora's chin up kissing her softly. The kiss wasn't heated or passionate it was simple and gentle. She laced her arms around his neck and deepened it slightly. But they remained calm and kissed a bit longer before pulling away. Eyes shining in the dull moon light. Remus smiled again as they made their way back to his car. He dropped her off with a final kiss and made his way back home. All the while thinking of that beautiful woman. _

"And that's about it. Sorry for making it so long I guess you really didn't wanna hear about our date" Remus said rubbing the back of his neck with a nervous smile on his face.

"Nah, it's fine besides it was a very lovely story your great with words" Sirius assured Remus before getting up to go grab another beer.

Sirius took a long sigh as his eye wandered around the kitchen. His cheeks were now a soft pink and he was shivering. Remus's lips. They were the only thing he could think about and he felt awful. Remus was married to his cousin who died not a month ago. And yet here he was thinking of those lips on parts of him he shouldn't. Sucking on places they'd never ever go and licking. God he was so hard it was starting to hurt but he couldn't go wank. Not while Remus was still awake anyway. No he couldn't do it all thinking about him. It was beyond wrong to have sexual thoughts about him. Sirius was a pervert he wouldn't deny that but this was just sick even for him. He took a few deep breaths and thought about his mother naked. Which easily made him go soft, then he grabbed a beer and quickly made his way back to the living room.

Remus and Sirius talked for a while longer before Remus began to drift in and out of consciousness. So Sirius being the man he was kindly helped him up to bed and laid him down softly before tucking him in. He felt even worse now because touching Remus had brought his hard on back, and he was sure not even thinking of his mother having sex would make it go away. So he took a deep breath and made his way into the bathroom. Where he pictured Remus's amazing body beneath him crying out, begging Sirius to fuck him. Shivering at the thoughts in his head Sirius came hard and sighed. Quickly cleaning up his mess and crawling into bed. Hopefully he could dream of something that wasn't about Remus naked or Regulus dying.

"Hey Sirius wake up" Remus shouted shaking the older man hard. It was past noon and Sirius was still out cold. They still had things to before the funeral next weekend.

"Mmm ten more minutes mum I'm having a nice dream" Sirius groaned out rolling over and pulling the blanket over his head like a child.

Remus groaned as he made his way down stairs with Teddy in his arms. Setting his son down in his playpen he got to work on the rest of the funeral plans. Which would have been fine if he didn't also have a slight hangover from drinking last night. Remus wasn't a light weight but he rarely drank. His head throbbed painfully in his skull as the woman on the other end began to scream at him. Oh yes this was only going to get better. Now his late wifes mother was blaming him like he didn't already blame himself. He hadn't spoken to her since Teddy was born. Now he had the painful task of telling them and trying to avoid breaking down. Andromeda was a relatively nice woman a bit high strung but nice. Now she was screaming at him and cursing his name. He couldn't bare it any longer he hung up the phone without even saying goodbye.

"You okay" Sirius whispered as he handed Remus a cup of water.

"You know Andromeda right" Remus asked his voice failing to hide the pain he was feeling.

"Yep. Andromedas my favorite cousin by far. Unlike the rest of the family she married for love I always liked that in her. Defiant." the black haired male said as he took a seat across from Remus.

"Great cause she hates me for killing her baby girl. So can you call her back and tell her the funeral is next weekend" Remus pleaded he really couldn't call that woman back and not start crying.

"Sure no problem" Sirius groaned out taking the phone and hitting redial eyes never leaving Remus.

"Hey Andromeda. No it's Sirius" the older man mumbled. "No, I'm here helping him. HE DID NOT KILL HER SILENCE YOU OLD BAT" He shouted nearly crushing the phone in anger. "Her funeral is next weekend at the cemetery off Lake View road. You should come she is your daughter" he said softly before hanging up.

"Thanks" was all Remus could say. He felt horrid for making Sirius yell at his cousin like that.

"No problem. I'd stay and help but I need a shower" he mumbled out as he made his way back up stairs to the shower.

The rest of the day was spent calling all of Nymphadora's family members and friends. Telling them each when the funeral was and for those who didn't know she'd past that she had. A few started crying while on the phone making it hard for Remus not to but he bit his tongue and stayed silent. Every fiber of his being was aching with each call. It was like having to face her death over and over again. It replayed in his head like a broken video tape. It kept looping back and starting until he was sure he'd lose his mind. How could one man deal with this he was never that strong. But now he had to be for the little boy in the next room who was giggling and rolling around. That boy would give him the strength he needed like Sirius said.

Time passed quickly almost like the world couldn't wait to show Remus what he'd done. He stood there in front of the mirror body covered in scars with a soft sigh. He hated this he truly did. But it was going to happen weather he liked it or not. So with a heavy sigh he opened threw draw only to find his lucky tie was missing. He nearly cried as he threw everything from those draws. He couldn't find it anywhere he needed it today more then ever. He began to shake from fear as more and more tears fell down his cheeks. Suddenly Sirius walked in holding it.

"You left this on the able when you went to change" he said eyes looking all over the room. Seeing clothes strung about and Remus softly crying in the corner. "Are you okay Remus" he asked helping the man up.

Remus lunged forward hugging Sirius tight before pulling away. "Could you tie it for me I'm shaking a bit too much" the young man said his soft brown hair falling over his amber tear filled eyes.

"Sure" Sirius muttered quickly tying the tie and placing it around Remus's neck. "You look very handsome" he said sound like a mother.

"Thank you so much Sirius" Remus whispered as they made their way from his room and down to living where Teddy was napping.

Remus quickly picked him up and strapped him into the car. He let Sirius drive fearing that if he did they'd never arrive. He wanted to just stay home, cry and fall asleep and nothing seemed to be making it any easier. Then the car parked and Remus wanted to cry. Her whole family was there, ton of rich people in dark clothes complaining out how hot it was. Saying awful things like how they knew this would happen when she married such a stupid man like her mother. Sirius and Remus stepped out together Remus holding Teddy. All eyes were on them and not in a good way. Walburga was the first too speak to her son.

"What are you doing here" she asked in a harsh tone.

"Helping out what are you doing here" Sirius responded his tone just as harsh.

"My niece's little girl died, I'm here to help her threw that" she said turning away and walking off.

"My ass you are" Sirius said grabbing Remus by the arm and making his way over to James,Lily and Petter.

"Hey" James said eyes wandering over the large group of people.

"Why is Harry over there playing with a Malfoy" Sirius hissed under his breath glaring daggers at the blonde haired bunch.

"Because he wanted to just chill okay. This isn't about family hating family it's about Nymphadora" Lily said as she smacked Sirius on the arm hard.

No one spoke as the service began Sirius held his tongue as his mother went up and fake cried. He didn't speak when the Malfoy's said there bit to Remus, and when Bellatrix and Druella came over he wanted to scream.

"So I heard your the reason she's dead is that right" Bellatrix said with a cat like grin on her face.

Remus went wide eyed and though he wanted to both kill her and cry he just smiled softly and grabbed Sirius's hard as though begging him to make her leave. Which he did by shouting at her drawing all eyes back on them. But he cursed her name and called her things he wouldn't call his worst enemy. She smirked and pulled her mother away. After that Remus fled he couldn't stand the Black family. They were awful to deal with and so very cruel to him.

"I understand" a voice said as two silver eyes started into his. As though gazing into his soul. "There an awful lot and I have them. But they only say what they say because they've never known a love like you two have".

Remus smiled and hugged Sirius yet again. No words were said or needed to be the hug was enough. The funeral ended moments later and with that Sirius left. He never said goodbye to Remus not that he could. No he loved the man and that meant that he couldn't stay now that this was all over. He had to get as far away from Remus as he possibly could.

**_Please review if you like it :3_**


	4. Siriusly

Eight months had pasted since that fateful day. And as Remus Lupin sat smiling bouncing his son on his knee he began to wonder where Sirius had gone. The man had left with out a single goodbye just up and vanished. Remus had greatly wanted him to stick around he felt as though he could use more of Sirius's help. But he figured the older man had a good reason for leaving so he may as well just accept it. And besides in a few days Teddy would be one. He had no time to think about anyone else but this adorable boy.

Teddy smiled and hopped of his dads knee running into the next room to watch tv. His curly brown hair bouncing has he ran. His blue eyes lit up as his favorite cartoon came on.

"PAPA BLUE CLUES IS ON COME WATCH IT WITH ME" he shouted at the top of his lungs.

"Alright alright just quiet down kiddo I'm not deaf. At least not yet anyway" Remus mumbled out chuckling softly when Teddy began to pout.

"I'm sorry papa I'll be quieter" Teddy whimpered out as his father picked him up.

They sat and watched blue clues for a couple hours until Teddy fell asleep. Remus smiled and as he laid his son down and got back to planning his sons party. He really wanted this party to be a big thing. Since all that had happened he really wanted his son to have an amazing birthday. One that he could think of when he was down and smile. Though Remus knew this party was more for him then Teddy. It had been nine months since her death and he dare not say her name.

No it caused him far to much pain to even utter it. So he took a deep breath and looked threw the booklet he'd picked up. He wanted to give Teddy a blues clues party, but this would be hard seeing as how without her brining in money and Remus only being a teacher he barely had enough money for this. But he'd make it work some how he just had too. Even if it meant he may not eat for a couple weeks he'd be fine he wanted to see Teddy smile.

Lily and James were a big help with all of it. They even gave him money to do it. They called it a loan but they never expected Remus to pay it back. Lily just wanted to see the man truly smile. She could see he was still hurting even if he wouldn't admit it himself. He refused to wear anything but long shirts since the scars 'made him ugly'. Lily thought fixing him up with a woman she knew would cheer him up but it ended worse then she thought it would. Not only had Remus purposely pushed the woman away and made her cry in doing so.

James was doing what all men do when a friend is down and took him out drinking. But Remus was never a big fan of getting drunk. It seemed all the man would do was sip on some vodka until he finished the glass, call a taxi and go home. One night James and Peter managed to get Remus drunk which didn't end well. Peter slipped up and said something very cruel about the taller mans late wife. It took all of James's strength to keep the man at bay. Luckily Remus was too drunk to recall the events so Peter and James just forgot about it.

Harry was a great friend to little Teddy. When Teddy would fall Harry would rush to him, kiss his wound and help him up. Harry was like a big brother to the young Lupin. He showed him how to drink from 'adult cups' and how to float in a pool. He would often put Teddy on the back of his trike and ride around the back yard. Teddy would smile and laugh he really looked up to Harry. He was so much older then him and seemed to know how to do everything. Even if Harry was only six.

The Weasley's had been very kind as well. Molly was always trying to feed Teddy and Remus any chance she could. Bill their eldest was always coming over to help Remus in anyway he needed. The boy was sweet and fresh out of high school hoping to marry his high school sweetheart. Which Remus always thought was very cute. Charles and Percy loved his books. They'd often come over and borrow a few. And since Remus was Percy's English teacher they got close. Sharing favorite books and Remus would even help Percy with his stories. Fred and George on the other hand were very destructive. They once broke his window. He didn't mind since he could fix it but their parents were very very mad. The there was Ron and Ginevra aka Ginny. Ginny loved taking care of little Teddy almost like a mother. Ron on the other hand was like harry trying to show him cool things, often getting the little boy hurt.

Remus was grateful for all the help he was getting. He was sure if these people weren't around he'd have lost his mind. But part of him still missed Sirius for some reason. They'd only been around each other a couple weeks but still. He felt like he could tell Sirius anything because the man won't judge him. With a long yawn Remus arose from his seat and decided to take a short nap. He'd been up the last few night grading tests and looking over cake idea's. He could use a couple hours rest before going back at it.

Across town Sirius Black was leaning against his motorcycle taking a long drag off a fag. His soft black hair falling gingerly around his face. Eyes watching as several parents walked into the large toy store in front of him. He wanted more then anything to go back and see Remus but he'd need a reason first. And what better reason then Teddy turning one. He just had no idea what to get the boy. So he sat back eyes wandering over the people and their kids. The smiles on the children's faces at the gifts they got. But none of the things he saw looked right so with a deep sigh he put out his fag and walked inside.

His eyes scanned around the store the isles full of useless crappy gifts. He wanted to get Teddy something amazing. But everything he saw just seemed like everyday junk. The women looked no better. Half of them eyes filled with lust for him, the other half glaring daggers at the man. He was bored with this but he couldn't give up. So with a frown he trudged up and down each isle. He wondered what Remus was doing which wasn't helping. Because it'd be very wrong to get an erection in a children's toy store so he stopped. Grinning like a mad man at the item in front of him. He knew this was what Teddy needed. He hoisted it up and carried it all the way to the clerk. This would be beyond worth it.

Remus awoke to the sound of Teddy giggling. His son was sitting on his chest smiling away like nothing could be better. Remus groaned and lifted the boy into his arms rolling over to go back to sleep. Or so he wished but Teddy would have none of that.

"Daddy can I have a clown at my party" He asked cutely.

"No you got scared and cried when Harry had that clown over. Remember he tried to give you a balloon and you screamed" Remus said snuggling closer to his son.

"What about a unicorn" Teddy said blue eyes shimmering softly.

"Those aren't real kiddo" Remus yawned out kissing his sons forehead as though trying to say it was time for bed.

"Will there be cake" the boy asked yawning as well.

"Of course now please papa is tired" the older man whispered.

Teddy understand and nodded off as well. He loved sleeping with his papa it made him feel safe. Like no matter what bad would happen if he were here it couldn't get him. His papa chased away all the bad dreams and kept them away. He was such a brilliant, strong, brave man in his eyes. And Teddy wished more then anything to be a man like his papa when he grew up.

Sunlight broke threw the window as Remus groaned. His head was aching and his back was stiff as a board. But he smiled seeing Teddy hugging him tightly his face holding a very bright smile. The boy was fast asleep and from what he could tell having a great dream. So even though he was hungry and in pain he lied still for a bit longer. Until Teddy yawned and grinned up at his father. His cute broken smile making the man smile as well. Remus picked up Teddy and ran some bath water for the boy. After getting all cleaned up Remus made a quick breakfast and dropped Teddy off at his parents.

Remus was baking the cake himself which meant buying all the ingredients. But this would be a bit of a challenge since Remus was never good in the kitchen. In fact it's where he did most of his messing up. Sure he could read the instructions and do what they said. But he'd always manage to forget something or drop whatever he made. So he was going to be extra careful and make sure the floor was clean, and that he triple checked over this cake. Everything no matter how much work would be perfect for his son.

His mind seemed to drift back to Sirius though and he didn't know why. He knew he liked the man as a friend but why was he always on his mind now. Maybe it was because he left without saying goodbye. That had to be it he thought so he let his mind wander over the man. He finished his shopping rather fast and checked out. Thankfully even though his mind was off thinking about Sirius he managed to get everything he needed. He decided to go home and bake the cake seeing as how Teddy's birthday was tomorrow.

Teddy was very happy as he giggled and rolled around on the floor of his grandparents house. The boy liked rolling around it made him happy. His grandparents laughed as he did so. It was a wonder the boy stayed clean at all. They were amazed at Remus. He was an only child who was always behaved. And even if he didn't get what he wanted he never let it get him down. He was easy to please give him a book and some chocolate. But Teddy was a bit harder to figure out. He hated eating certain things and would throw them if given. But those things ranged, and it was never the same thing the next day.

But even if the boy was a handful no one could be mad at him. He was so cute, his face was like his mothers. Pale skin and a cute heart shaped face. His eyes were hers as well but that nose was clearly Remus's and so was that smile. And the way he loved to read. He was a perfect little bundle of cute and brilliance. To cute to hate and bright enough to use that against if he wanted to.

The day wore on as Remus baked and decorated his thoughts now only on his son. But he was growing tired so he glanced up at the clock on the wall. Much to his surprise it was 11 at night. He must have gotten so caught up doing everything he lost track of time. He was done though to he put the cake in the fridge and made his way up stairs. Taking a quick warm shower before sinking into bed, he was very very tired. If the bag under his eyes were indication of that. His head felt like it was spinning and it throbbed slightly. He was thankful to get a good night's rest before dealing with screaming children.

The sound of banging at his front door woke him up. Running down stairs Remus nearly tripped but caught himself and quickly opened it. Smiling when he saw James and Lily holding a present in there hands.

"Over slept I take it" Lily said motioning to his clothing.

"Yes sorry, I'll be back down in a bit could you just set everything up" he asked with a sorry look on his face.

"Of course go shower" James said patting Remus on the back.

Remus groaned as he stepped in thee shower. He couldn't for the life of him remember what he was dreaming about but he was annoyed. Whatever it was not only made him late but made him hard as well. He didn't want to waste time wanking so he turned the water on cold. He began to think of awful things to make it go down. But in the back of his mind wishing to remember what he had been dreaming about. He was very sure it wasn't Nymphadora. And he didn't fancy anyone else at the moment. At least that he knew of so who could it have been.

Time raced on quickly. And Remus was sure everything around him was moving faster then he was. But time seemed to slow down when Teddy came home and everyone jumped out surprising him. The boy laughed loudly and hugged his father. He was very happy about the large party. Harry and Ron filled up a couple water guns and chased the girls around in the back yard. Teddy filled up water balloons with the twins to throw at Ron and Harry. Percy had at some point got out some silly string and was spraying all over them. Remus and Lily laughed at the sight. Molly on the other hand was out there egging it all on.

Jolting up Remus rushed to the door after hearing a knock. His eyes nearly bugged out of his head in shock. Standing there in a nice black button down shirt and grey slacks was Sirius. He grabbed Remus and pulled him into a hug. It was then Remus's dream rushed back at full force.

Sirius was above him slowly kissing down his neck. Sucking softly every few seconds just to make him squirm. He moved a bit lower and lapped at one of Remus's nipples causing the younger man to moan. He arched up like a cat in heat head shaking softly. A stream of moans fell from his soft pink lips. And he had to bite down on one to keep from coming when Sirius took his cock and began to pump it. Then the black haired man deep throated him sucking hard and humming around the base. Remus shivered and cried out his name over and over.

"Sirius" he whispered blushing heavily.

"Hey. I'm really sorry about leaving suddenly I had a few things to take care of" Sirius lied as they pulled away.

Remus took a couple deep breaths and smile praying Sirius didn't notice his overly flushed face. "Oh it's not problem".

"Oh and I got Teddy a gift but I'll need all the kids inside so I can set it up out back" Sirius said with a smirk.

"Alright I'll call them in" Remus said turning around quickly to bring all the children inside. Who all even Molly seemed to be pouting. Teddy stomped his foot and hmphed.

"I wanna go play" Ron said with a sad look on his face.

"Sorry kids but Sirius needs to set up his gift for Teddy just hold on" Remus said with a soft groan.

Suddenly a loud hissing sound filled the room and the kids ran up stairs. Remus peered outside in horror. Sirius was outside setting up a Blue Clues moon bounce. With a chuckle Remus walked out back as Sirius grinned at him.

"Think he'll like it" Sirius said breathing over Remus's ear causing him to shiver.

"Yep. He loves Blues Clues" the shorter man said eyes wandering over his whole back yard.

Remus feared being alone with Sirius right now. Seeing as how he had not even 5 hours ago been dreaming of the man sucking him off. He felt sick just thinking about it his wife had died only 9 months ago, and here he was dreaming about her cousin. He cousin that was clearly straight. The noise stopped and Remus looked in front of him. There it was full inflated. He rushed inside and grabbed the kids.

Teddy's eyes went wide as he tossed his shoes and socks off running for his new toy. The others followed with equal glee. James hit Sirius hard in the arm and hissed at him.

"Great now Harry's never gonna wanna leave" Lily said with a groan.

"Oh this will tire him out and you can take him home without a fight" Remus chimed in as he set the plates down.

"Good point" James said as he drug Sirius away to talk.

Remus's mind wander over his dream yet again. Why was it Sirius and not a woman? He'd never in 28 years of living dreamed about another man pleasuring him. He had no problem with gay men but he wasn't on. Up until recently he was very happy having sex with his wife. So why all the sudden was he dreaming about a man? Was it because Sirius had saved him in a way from himself? Or was it because he was suddenly turning gay. What was going on with his mind that he was now dreaming of naked relatives. Dear god he didn't even know if Sirius was gay.

"You alright" Lily asked he voiced laced with concern.

"Yeah sorry. I'm just thinking about things" he whispered praying she wouldn't ask anymore.

"What kind of things Remus" she whispered in return and looked him in the eyes.

"Something I watched on this movie. Lily why do you think a man with a wife would suddenly leave her for a man" He asked shifting to look at something other then her.

"Hmmm well maybe this man could offer him something his wife never could. Like true happiness or love."

"But he'd loved his wife and she loved him. The man had never even thought about another man in that way before" Remus muttered as he grabbed the candles for the cake.

"Then maybe this man is in love with two people and since his wife is dead he should focus on the living one male or not. Because his wife would want him happy isn't that right Remus" she said with a grin as he blushed.

"But I can't Sirius isn't gay" he whimpered out before he realized. Not only now did Lily know he liked another man but that he liked Sirius.

"OH MY GOSH" Lily shouted causing James, Peter and Sirius to rush in.

"What is it" James asked eyes scanning over his wife quickly.

"Remus told me a very naughty joke about a dentist" he muttered blushing now as well.

"Oh well then lets hear it" Sirius said with a sly grin.

Remus sighed and scanned threw his mind for a joke. "Uhh okay this woman goes into a dentist's office, after he is through examining her he says 'I am sorry to tell you this, but I am going to have to drill in there.' The woman then says with anticipated agony, 'Ooooohhhh, I'd rather have a baby!' To which the dentist replies 'Well make up your mind. I have to adjust the chair.'"

Sirius and James started laughing very loudly and Peter just blushed. With a slap on the back from Sirius the three left Remus and Lily to there talk.

"You like Sirius" she whispered once she was sure they were out of hearing range.

"I don't know I had this wonderful dream and he was there doing things to mean" Remus whispered back placing the candle in the cake.

"Okay well one Sirius isn't straight. He says love has no gender and I know he's slept with men before. And two I hate to ask but are you sure you just don't like him cause he's like her" Lily said in a pained hushed voice.

"I have no idea anymore" Remus said as he made his way out back.

Lily grabbed him and drug him into the closet. She turned on the light and glared at him.

"Your not running away from me Remus Lupin. Now what do you think of Sirius" she asked glaring daggers at the taller man.

"I think he's brilliant and funny. I think he's a very wise man for such a young age".

"And would you be willing to go out with him if he asked" Lily said leaning back against the wall.

"Why would a sexy,charming, brilliant man like that ever want a bookworm like me" Remus said with a groan.

"Not what I asked" Lily hissed out smacking him on the arm softly.

"I don't know Lily. I'd have to hear him ask me before I would. I have to feel him want me know that he'd accept what I am. And then I could give you an answer" Remus said and with that he opened the door and called the children in for cake.

Lily seemed to avoid him since there little talk. Not on purpose it seemed but she just seemed distant. As though she had a lot on her mind now. James didn't seem to notice because he and Sirius had started a food fight. Everyone was throwing cake and Remus groaned. He wanted to smile and join in but he too had a lot on his mind. Not only had he confessed that he liked a man but now said man was shirtless in his house covered in cake. Oh fate could be cruel to poor Remus sometimes. Not only would he have to clean this all but he had to watch the sex god known as Sirius Black make the mess. Part of him wished he could eat that cake right off him.

Remus knew better though he wasn't some teenager with raging hormones anymore he was an adult. And as such he had to behave a certain way. This meant doing this like not getting an erection at a one year olds birthday party. And not day dreaming about a 6'1 black haired, grey eyed walking orgasm. And also not cumming in his pants. He was failing at all three and hoping no one noticed he was.

After the presents and giving Teddy a good long bath Remus had the difficult task of cleaning his kitchen. Which wasn't helped at all by the fact that Sirius was there.

"Sorry about the mess we made Rem" Sirius said as he walked in to the kitchen.

"It's alright I've cleaned up bigger mess then this before. Besides it was a party I mean parties are for fun and you all clearly had fun." Remus rambled on without realizing he was.

"Let me help you" Sirius said cutting him off his sentence.

Sirius's hand bushed up against his and sparks went off. Remus felt as though he hand had just caught fire but he didn't want to put it out. No in fact he wanted to feel it burn. It was an oddly amazing feeling that seemed to travel threw his whole body. For a second he was sure he'd died but he took a deep breath and began cleaning yet again.

Remus was on his hands and knees scrubbing away at the floor. Sirius noticed this which made his pants unbelievably tight. He hopped Remus didn't turn around and check him checking out his arse. But in Sirius's eyes Remus was perfect. His soft brown hair and lovely amber eyes. And the scars on his face gave him depth. Oh yes and the that butt. It was perfect firm and tight with such lush to it. Sirius could feel himself drooling at the mere thought of it. Shivering he turned away and back to task at hand.

They worked in a very tense silence for what seemed like hours. But once finished Remus smiled at Sirius and offered him a drink.

"So do you have any good movies" Sirius asked with a soft smile.

"I don't have many but I've always been fond of Total Eclipse" Remus said as they made their way into the living room yet again.

His mind raced as they sat down watching one of his all time favorite movies. He moved slightly closer to Sirius with each passing minute until the were a mere inch away. And Sirius paused the movie with a soft grin and tilted Remus's chin up.

"Your far to cute for your own good" Sirius whispered before kissing Remus.

Remus moaned softly into the kiss lacing his arms around Sirius's neck. Sirius grinned and took this chance to slip his tongue inside Remus's mouth enjoying the moans that came from that. The older man lifted his younger counter part up and onto his lap. Sliding his hand around Remus's neck and deepening the kiss. Remus moaned a bit louder now as he felt Sirius's aching cock threw his jeans. Causing Remus to grind down.

"God damn your amazing" Sirius said as they pulled away causing Remus to whimper.

"Sirius stop we need to talk" Remus whispered out eyes fixed on the floor.

"Okay. What is it" Sirius asked turning Remus's face so they could lock eyes.

"How do you feel about me" Remus asked worried amber eyes looking into confident grey ones.

**(( Alrighty so I hope you enjoy this chapter please review as always. Reviews help me work faster to bring you yaoi. Oh and the movie **_**Total Eclipse **_**stars David Thewlis who plays Remus Lupin in the movies. He shares a gay kiss and some other...things with the lovely Leonardo DiCaprio. Anyway I hope you enjoyed this chapter. xoxo -Brenna))**


	5. Virgin Territory

"I well...I feel very strongly towards you. More then liking but not yet love if that makes sense" Sirius said with a small blush starting to form on his cheeks.

"It makes perfect sense to me. I more then like you to Sirius" Remus said with a chuckle before closing the distance between them with a kiss.

Sighing they reluctantly pulled away. Sirius running his thumb softly over his new boyfriends lips. Noticing the fear in Remus's eyes as he did so.

"Sorry Sirius but we can't do more then this tonight. With Teddy being here and all" the brunette said as he stood up.

"It's fine. I should get going anyway I still haven't found a hotel to stay at yet" the black haired man muttered as he rose and hugged Remus.

"You can stay here the guest room it still empty" Remus yawned out as he turned around.

"You sure that's okay" Sirius asked nervously as he rubbed the back of his neck.

"Of course it is" the younger man said with a soft smile as he headed off to bed.

But unlike Sirius, Remus tossed and turned all night. Thoughts racing to his mind that he wished to keep at bay. His body began to shake and burn. He thought he'd made it past this but he hadn't. And as he began to cry he knew this would never work. He couldn't be with Sirius even if he wanted not after what happened. He could put 1000 years in between it and it wouldn't help him. His body would remember the pain and his heart would feel each break. Could he really be with Sirius when he was so damaged. So broken and ill.

Time seemed to race by and the pleasant scent of bacon filled Remus's nose waking him up. He couldn't recall when he fell asleep but he knew it couldn't have been more then a few hours ago. Never the less he climbed out of bed. Shivering slightly as the cold air rushed around him. He walked down stairs and heard a delightful sound. Someone singing and not just singing, but singing one of his favorite songs. _Hey Jude by The Beatles_. The voice singing it was intoxicating to say the least. So deep so rich and loving.

"Morning and how did you sleep" Sirius said as he put some food onto a plate and set it in front of the aforementioned man.

"Fine. I take it you slept well" Remus chuckled out eyes scanning over Sirius.

Silky black hair falling softly against his face almost framing it. Grey eyes sparkling with affection and mischief. A bright grin plastered over that gorgeous face.

"More then just well Remus. I had the most wonderful dream. Anyway as Teddy ever been to a fair cause there's one going on today and I was thinking" Sirius voice trailed off. They both knew it had nothing to do with Teddy but Remus smiled and played along.

"No he hasn't but you can take him" the younger man said with a smirk.

"I would but that seems like a date and I'm not a pedophile you see" Sirius whispered in Remus's ear making the man next to him shiver.

"Ahh well then you can take me and he'll just tag along" Remus said and with that began eating.

There was a happy air filling the room. Teddy had already finished eating and was playing a game. Remus had warned the older man about letting a one year old play with an iPad but he didn't seem to care.

"My son better not find any porn" Remus mumbled out with a soft glare.

"Hmm he might but look at it this way he won't need sex ed" Sirius laughed out at Remus threw a piece of toast at him.

After breakfast and a nice hot shower they made there way back down stairs dressed and ready to go. Remus wasn't one for loud crowds of people and screaming but this would be fun. How could it not be when he had Sirius with him. And Teddy who was singing about this in the back seat. Remus knew that today had to be a good day. His mother had always tolled him things would get better for him. His past had been filled with pain which only meant his future had to be better. Or at least he hopped so. The world didn't seem to be doing a good job balancing it out so far. But he couldn't think about that right now he was going to have a good day. It was no time for tears and self pity.

The fair was just like Remus had expected. Loud with tons of people who seemed to scream at each other. Sticky things all over the ground which was also littered with trash. But Teddy and Sirius seemed to be enjoying them selfs. Which made him happier then ever.

"'Ello Lupin" a voice said breaking threw Remus's happiness. "It's been a while ain't it" the older man said green eyes glaring into his.

Remus couldn't speak his body began to shake. And all he wanted to do was run away run faster then he'd ever ran before. But he couldn't move at all. His mind screamed run or get Sirius but how could Sirius help him.

"Remus is this a friend of yours" Sirius said as he looked over the man.

"Aye I am and you are" The tall man said his sandy brown hair falling over his scar covered face.

"Sirius Black" the black haired man growled out not liking the tone he was just spoken to in.

"Black ey' you must be Orion's little brat right" the man said with a sick smirk.

"Yeah I am and who are you" Sirius said eyes glaring daggers into the man.

"David Jackson" David said smiling at Remus who nearly cried. "Your friend here is a bad boy".

Remus's body began to shake even more and he felt waves of fear crash over him. He grabbed Teddy and ran. He couldn't recall where he was or where he'd even been going. The air around him was moist and filled with salt so he guessed he was near the beach. Teddy was whimpering his name but it fell on deaf ears. Remus's held his son tightly and made his way down to the beach. Hardly anyone was there so they just sat. Until Sirius came running up.

"Remus are you alright" his voice dripping with concern.

"I'm a good boy I swear" it was all Remus kept saying he kept saying it and crying. It scared Teddy to see his father like this.

"Of course your good Remus. Your a very good, kind, sweet man" Sirius whispered as he hugged the shaking man next to him.

They stayed there for a while as Teddy rolled around in the warm sun. Remus finally came down from his fear induced trance and looked into his boyfriends eyes.

"Fenrir Greyback" Remus whispered making sure no one else heard him.

"The drug dealer" Sirius said as he cocked his eyebrow.

"When I was five my dad was a cop and had caught him. He insulted Greyback who didn't take kindly to that. When they couldn't get the charges to stick he was let go. He found me took me and he...he...he" but Remus couldn't say it.

"You were that kid on the news. The cops son he kidnapped and held for those six months" Sirius said in shock.

"Yeah I'm that kid. My real name isn't Remus it's Romulus I changed it because I hate my real name. I hate everything about me. I hate this skin most of all" and Sirius knew why Remus was this way now.

Fenrir Greyback had taken a five year old boy raped and tortured him. Filmed and let other men do the same. Sirius had remember hearing all about it on the news. The parents in his neighbors were all worried they'd do the same thing to their kids. But it turned out it was just pay back. How low was this sicko. Sirius felt ill when he remembered Greyback had been over to his house before. He wished he could go back to that day and kill the bastard. How dare anyone harm Remus he had never done anything to anyone. Who could be so cruel as to rape an innocent child. One that was still to young to even know about sex.

"Don't worry Siri I'm fine that was over 20 years ago" Remus said with a sad smile as he rested his head on Sirius's shoulder.

"I think Teddy's gonna need a bath he's got sand all in his hair." the older man said with a laugh.

"Your giving it to him since you wanted to take him to the fair" Remus said as he stood up stretching in a way that left Sirius breathless.

"Fine fine whatever but you have to kiss me first" he said with a smirk.

Remus leaned over and kissed Sirius softly on the lips as they made their way back to the car. Teddy had fallen asleep shortly after they began the long drive home. And for the second time in his life Remus Lupin had shared that horrid tale. And for the second time in his life he'd be accept. So maybe his life wasn't all bad. Most people only got one person to love and be loved by. He had two, and a lovely son. Slightly over protective parents, and crazy friends. So what if he hadn't had a great childhood. He was living a great life now.

The car stopped jerking Remus from his thoughts. A hand rested it's self on his thigh and grey eyes looked into his. The had nothing but love and understanding. So after putting Teddy to bed Remus made his way into Sirius's room and smiled.

"No" Sirius said as Remus went to undress.

"What you don't want to have sex" Remus asked feeling a bit hurt.

"Not here I have it all planned. James and Lily will take Teddy tomorrow and we'll go down to Durham. I got us a dinner reservation at a little italian place and a hotel room." Sirius said as he kissed Remus softly.

"Why did you do all that" the younger man asked glaring at his soon-to-be-lover.

"Because this is your first time and I want it to be wonderful" the older man said grey eye sparkling in the light.

"You know damn well it's not my first time" Remus growled out as he went to leave.

"It is have a _sex_ with a man. Rape and sex aren't the same you've never had sex with a man. Your a virgin to it and I want it to be amazing your first time" Sirius said with a soft smile hopping that won Remus over otherwise he was going to have to start crying.

"Alright then" Remus muttered as he shut the door behind him.

He couldn't believe anyone would go threw all this just for him. But there Sirius was wasting his time and money trying to make Remus happy. Part of him felt awful because of it but the other half was screaming with joy. He couldn't believe he was going out to eat in the biggest city within 100 miles. He'd only ever been once but it was so beautiful. The lights and all night book stores oh it was heaven. He'd half to remember to go get his hair trimmed and clean up his good shoes.

_The dark stone room reeked of blood and semen. Rats huddled in the corner as the door cracked. A boy was tossed hard down the stairs by a rather tall man with long black hair and bright blue eyes. The boy fell hard with a cry of pain his small thin body nearly breaking as he his the concrete. Amber eyes filled to the brim with fear and pain. He shook and screamed._

_"MY FATHER'S A COP HE'LL FIND ME!"_

_"Kid I've met your daddy. In fact you can thank him for this. It's all his doing you know what they say...never piss off a wolf" and with that the man slammed the door shut._

_The small boy began to shake and whimper tears falling softly down his cheeks. He couldn't see the hand in front of his face which scared him even more. This darkness seemed to encase his body and soul. Crushing him and stealing away his last breath. And this silence was deafeningly loud with this chamber. Oh how he longed for light and to feel his parents hugging him. Oh how he longed to not be here in this darkness._

_The man returned and flipped a switch causing light to flood the room. There was a small mattress in the corner, a tub and a bucket. The small boy began to shake as the older man stalked down the stairs with a sickeningly happy gleam in his eyes. _

_"Romulus right? Well Romulus I'm Fenrir. Now you be a good boy and do what I tell you and I'll let you live. Misbehave and you'll be punished". _

_It sounded easy enough all Romulus had to do was behave. He was always a good boy this would be no problem. Then he could go home and see him mom and dad._

_"Strip" the man barked._

_Romulus stood shocked but did was he was told. Standing there six years old,naked,alone with a scary man. He prayed this was a nightmare of god please let it be. But it wasn't._

_"Now Romulus-" the man unbuttoned his pants with a sick smile. "-your to suck on my cock here til I say stop, got it" _

_Romulus nodded and did as told he sucked on as much of the mans dick as he could. But his mouth was small and the man was rather large. He could only take in about an inch. Not that Fenrir minded being in the boys mouth isn't what got him off. _

_"Now get on the bed and get on your hands and knees"._

_Romulus again did as he was told but didn't understand why he was doing any of this. Why was he naked like this was the man going to spank him? But all thought was lost when the man thrust into the virgin 6 year old beneath him. _

_"PLEASE STOP THAT HURTS SIR STOP" the boy screamed in pain. _

_It only made Fenrir thrust harder not caring how much pain the boy was in. He thrust until he climaxed and left not even checking to see if the boy was okay. Not that he cared if the boy lived of died. He could always find another fuck toy._

_The boy in question sat shaking and crying. He was bleeding and his arse hurt. He felt gross and sticky as the blood and semen leaked from his once virgin body. He felt like dying and he cried and cried the pain never leaving him. And a moment later the man was back. He prayed he'd come to kill him._

_"Oh yeah good job brat" the man said with a beastly grin on his ill face. _

_He walked over and the boy shuddered. What happened next wasn't as bad as the rape but hurt. The man took a large knife and craved his initials into the boys lower back. After that he left with a sadistic laugh. _

Remus awoke with a loud scream and tears racing down his cheeks. Sirius rushed in and held him whispering soft soothing words into his ear. The was all new to Sirius he'd never dealt with a rape victim. He had no idea what to do so he just held the man.

"Sirius...stay with me please. I..I just don't want to be alone" Remus whispered hating the way it sounded like Romulus.

"Of course Remus." with that Sirius climbed into Remus's bed and slept.

Sirius rolled over and noticed something was missing. More specifically Remus was gone. He wandered around the house looking. But each room was empty which worried the man. Remus hadn't seemed well not since meeting up with that prick. Sirius walked outside and noticed under the rather large tree in the back was Remus fast asleep. He walked over to the man who looked rather cute in the state.

"mmm Sirius is that you" a voice broke into the morning air.

"Yeah it's me."

"Why are you out here it's freezing" Remus said as he stood up shaking a bit.

"I could ask you the same thing" Sirius mumbled taking Remus's hand and walking back inside.

"I find it easier to sleep outside."

"I'll never understand that. How could you want to sleep on wet grass in the freezing cold morning."

"During the time I spent with..._it_ I wasn't allowed outside. I guess I enjoy outside more because I feel free. I feel like I'm not with it anymore."

Sirius nodded and began making breakfast.

"So Remus is there anything you really enjoy."

"I enjoy chocolate,books,classic movies,good music and tea. But enough about me what do you enjoy?"

"Sex, ice cream,horror movies, rock music and anything by Stephen King" Sirius said with a smirk as he watched Remus blush.

"Your a pervert" Remus murmured.

"You know it baby."

They laughed at each other for a bit before Remus took a shower and came back down with Teddy. Trying to explain that he was going over to Harry's for a sleep over later. But Teddy wanted to go now. He really wanted to go hang out with his cool older friend.

"Not now Teddy later, okay just eat" Remus said with a sigh setting a plate down in front of his son.

"Okay papa. Umm are you okay papa you were crying a lot yesterday" Teddy said with a mouth full of eggs.

"Yes I'm feeling much better now."

"Why were you crying papa" Teddy asked with a sad smile on his young face.

"Papa had remember something sad is all. But it's okay now".

"Alright papa."

"And what have I told you about talking with your mouth full." Remus said with a groan as Sirius laughed.

"Kids talk with their mouths full all the time he'll grow out of it if he ever wants a girlfriend".

"EWWWWWWWWW! Girls are gross Harry says his daddy told him they have some di..di..sickness and if you touch them you get it"

"Leave it to James to ruin a child that isn't even his. Teddy girls are fine."

"Then why do you like my papa, and not some girl?" Sirius and Remus both nearly choked.

"Ummm because your papa is a very amazing man. Far more amamzing then any girl I've ever met." Sirius said smiling at the boy.

"Oh. Are you gonna be my new mommy?" Again both men nearly choked.

Blushing heavily Remus spoke "Teddy we don't know yet okay so just save your questions until later, right now just eat."

Half way threw their lovely meal someone knocked at the door. Remus stood up quickly and answered it. Surprised to see his neighbor and friend Molly Weasley.

"Hello Molly, is there something I can do for you?"

"Yeah I kinda need to use your A Encyclopedia for a while." she said with a sad smile.

"Of course come in. I'll be right back with it" Remus said as he ran off to his study.

Molly was a kind lady who didn't snoop often but when she heard a familiar laugh she ventured into the kitchen.

"Oh Hello Sirius" she said a bit surprised to see the man.

"Hello Molly fancy meeting you here" Sirius said with a laugh as he made another silly face at Teddy.

"I could say the same to you, why are you here anyway?"

"I'm staying with Remus for a while, why are you here?"

"The twins decided to scream arsehole in front of Ron and now he's been saying it. So I'm going to make them write down every word that starts with A in the English language ,and since Remus is the only one around with an Encyclopedia collection I came here."

They seemed to glare at each other in anger for a while. Until Teddy being the adorable ball of stupid he is shouted. "SIRIUS IS GONNA BE MY NEW MOMMY AUNTY MOLLY!"

Sirius spit his drink across the room, and Molly looked at the boy in shock.

"Teddy didn't your daddy already explain to you that we don't know what we are to each other yet."

"But you like him right? And he likes you. So of course your gonna be my new mommy" the boy said with a cute smile on his face.

"Your seeing Remus" Molly asked in shock eyes meeting Sirius's.

"Yeah kinda I mean-" but before Sirius could finish Molly had already left in search of Remus.

She found him in his study looking around for the book.

"Oh hello Molly sorry for taking so long my study is a bit unorganized at the moment" he said with a nervous laugh.

"Are you dating Sirius" she asked in a harsh tone.

"I don't see how that's any of your concern but yes I am" Remus responded in a equally harsh tone.

"Sirius is trouble Remus you shouldn't be with him. He's the type of guy to say anything you wanna hear, get you in bed then leave. Trust me he's just saying what you want to hear, and once he's done you'll never see him again. Don't fall for his lies" she said with a pleading look in her eyes.

"I don't know much about him but he seems sweet enough to me. And he was kind and helpful when I needed a friend so maybe he's changed." Remus said and thrust the book into Molly's hands. "Your a good friend Molly but this is my life I'll live it how I want to."

Remus followed Molly out without so much as a goodbye. Then made his way back to the kitchen noticing it was only Sirius there.

"Where's Teddy" he asked sitting back down to his lukewarm meal.

"He finished so I let him go play. Is that a problem?"

"No no not at all...Umm Sirius how many people have you been with?" Remus asked nervously.

"A lot... I know what Molly told you but it isn't true. Yes granted I have lied to get people in bed before, and yes I have slept with my fair share of people but I'm not doing that with you. I like you a lot, more then with anyone I've ever been with before. I promise you I'm not just using you." Sirius said taking Remus's hand in his own.

"Alright then. I believe you Sirius" Remus said with a loving smile. "Mmm oddly I'm no longer hungry. Would you mind if I took a quick nap before our ummm date?"

"Not at all you'll need your energy to what I have in mind anyway."

Remus awoke a few hours later to Sirius shaking him.

"Huh, what's going on is everything alright" Remus yawned out.

"Of course but it's nearly time for our dinner reservation so get a move on my sexy little beast" Sirius said with a smirk.

Remus groaned and got up quickly making his way into the shower. His mind was still a bit hazy from just waking up. The warm water rushed over his aching body and he began to think about Sirius. He was worried that once Sirius saw him naked he'd regret his choice. But he couldn't keep thinking like that or he'd make it a reality. No Remus was going to enjoy tonight no matter what. Because he was going out with a very stunning man who liked him. The water began to go cold so Remus hurried. Rushing out and putting on his best suit and tie.

"Took ya long enough" Sirius said with a laugh as he saw Remus coming down stairs.

But the laugh was cut short as he caught sight of Remus. His soft brown hair was still a bit damp clinging softly to his face. His eyes and skin seemed to glow, and the way that dark blue suit hung off him. The way the red in his tie seemed to match the bit of red in his hair. Sirius was speechless.

"What? Is something wrong" Remus asked nervously.

"No no far from it. Remus you look absolutely ravishing. I'm not sure were gonna even make it to dinner."

"Shut up" Remus mumbled blushing a bit.

Sirius was a gentle men the whole time. Opening doors for Remus pulling out his chair. On there walk to the hotel he even bought the younger man a rose. Remus in all his years on earth had never been so pampered before. He was enjoying himself. Sirius was a very romantic man, and a very interesting one too. At the restaurant he order for them both in perfect Italian. And sang to Remus a wonderful love song in French.

"Here we are" Sirius said breaking Remus out of his thoughts.

The room was lovely, a beautiful queen size bed sat in the middle covered in white rose petals. On the pillows were two small chocolates and the room was decorated to the nines. Sirius dimmed the lights and poured a couple glasses of wine handing one to Remus.

"Are you sure you'd like to do this" Sirius asked.

"Of course just...be gentle please" Remus whimpered taking a sip of the lovely wine.

"I will" Sirius said then set down his glass quickly capturing Remus's lips in a wonderful kiss.

They kissed softly at first but as time wore on the kissing got more heated. Until Sirius had Remus pinned to the bed beanth them. Sirius tougne trailed down slowly all over Remus's neck sucking softly at random places. Sirius whispered sweet and very naughty things cauing Remus to moan loudly. His hands sliding all over the younger mans body touching the bit of skin that he could uncover. His finger trailed lines up and down Remus's back driving the man far beyond insane. But he felt far to good and in that moment to fight it.

Remus was losing his cool all the while Sirius seemed like ice. So he leaned forward began to melt him by sucking on his neck. Bitting hard enough to leave just the trace of a mark. Sirius enjoyed it his moans began the drive the younger wild as he practically dry humped him. They pulled apart and Remus began to blush looking softly into his the older mans eyes. The slowly began to undress until they were only wearing their boxers. Sirius slowly pulled Remus's down and smiled. Enjoying the sight of the small man naked, blushing all for him.

"Your so amazing Remus" he whispered before grabbing out a bottle of lube and slicking up his fingers.

Slowly Sirius pushed a finger into Remus's ever so willing body. Noticing how tight and hot he was. Remus shut his eyes tight as those fingers went deeper and deeper into him. Shivering he gripped the bed as tightly as he could nearly tearing the sheets. Another finger entered and then a third streching him as much as they could before curling to find that spot.

"SIRIUS!" Remus shouted arching high off the bed.

Sirius smiled and withdrew his fingered quickly replacing them with something much larger. Remus was far to pleasure drunk to care anymore he just moaned. Begging Sirius to do something, anything he just wanted to feel that way again. Sirius entered quickly and held still noticing how Remus's faced changed from pleasure to pain. The younger man was now whimpering his cock going soft as the familiar pain filled his body.

"Remus focus on me don't think about him" Sirius said stroking Remus quickly.

A few minutes of stroking and kissing and Remus was ready for more. So Sirius began moving his hips slowly at first until the man beneath him started begging for more. So he began to move even faster until they were both at their limit.

"Sirius...I can't..." Remus moaned out clinging to the older man.

"Me too...lets cum together okay" Sirius panted out kissing Remus softly on the cheek.

A few more well placed thrust and they came together. Remus's cum coating their chest and Sirius's filling him. Panting they laid next to each other for some time not thinking about anything. Suddenly Remus yawned and snuggled closer to his lover.

"Night Siri" he whispered before falling asleep.

"Goodnight Remus" Sirius said smiling softly before joining him in blissful rest.

**((Sorry for the lateness I've been having a lot of trouble writing this one. I normally have my boyfriend around to help me with romantic stuff. But damn marine is back on active duty v.v Anyway please reveiw and I'm very sorry for the awful sex scene but I fail.))**


	6. Salve Orbis

5:00 AM Christmas Morning

Remus yawned as he awoke fighting the urge to hit his lover and son. Who had both taken to screaming as though someone were dying at five in the morning. No that was an understatement. They were shouting at the top of their lungs so loud the dead were rising. He loved Christmas don't get him wrong but it was five in the morning. He'd only fallen asleep a few hours ago thanks to a certain black haired man. He needed rest if he was going to be any fun this lovely winters day. But he knew he wouldn't be getting any so reluctantly he got out of bed.

"Papa can I open my gifts now" Teddy whined.

"Not yet okay just give me a second then we can open gifts" Remus groaned out taking another sip of his coffee.

"Please Remmy" Sirius whined sounding almost like Teddy.

Remus responded to this with a sharp kick to the older mans head.

"_Owwie_ Remmy that hurt me berry much" Sirius whimpered out cuddling closer to the other man.

"Papa should be nicer to Mama" Teddy giggled out noting how both men blushed at his statement.

"Yes he should be." Sirius said with a smile.

Teddy giggled and tore open his first gift with a loud shout of glee. He'd gotten some new coloring books. Then next few gifts were clothes from his grandparents, and some legos from Sirius. By then end of the hour Ted Lupin couldn't be found. Granted it was his own fault for stacking all his gifts around him. Sirius and Remus doubled over laughing at his pleas.

After helping the little boy out of his prison Sirius drug Remus into the kitchen.

"So what'd ya get me?"

"Nothing."

"_What? _Your so cruel Remus."

"So you've told me" the younger man said before reaching into his pocket and grabbing out a long box.

"What's this" Sirius asked taking it and shaking it.

"STOP THAT! Dammit it Sirius just open it will you."

Sirius did as he was told and gasped. Inside had been a wonderful pocket watch and written on it was '_Yours Forever & Always RJL'_. Sirius nearly cried at how beautiful the watch was.

"I love it Remus thank you so much" he whispered hugging the man tightly.

"I'm glad."

"Alright now here's my gift...granted it's a bit selfish but whatever."

The black haired man got down on one knee and pulled open a lovely black velvet box. Inside was a beautiful ring and Remus's nearly cried.

"Remus John Lupin would you do me the greatest honor of my life and marry me?" Sirius asked silently praying for a yes.

A few hours passed of Remus looking only at the ring and Teddy giggling about his '_mommy and daddy_'.

"Oh how kind of you to drop by" Sirius hissed out glaring at James.

"Your just jealous because I am far sexier then you."

"Hello Lily and Hello Harry."

"Oh so you'll say hello to them but not to me."

"THEY DIDN'T GIVE ME FLEA SHAMPOO FOR CHRISTMAS!"

"It was a joke geez."

"Your such an arse Potter"

"SIRIUS BLACK WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT CUSSING IN FRONT OF THE CHILDREN" Remus screamed from then next room.

"Sorry sorry" Sirius mumbled showing them into the living room.

Lily screamed the second she saw the ring, nearly hugging the two men to death. James simply said '_congrats_'. Harry and Teddy however seemed to be very happy. Talking about how this meant they were really cousins. Since both Harry and Teddy believed that Sirius was really James's brother. They were so happy they seemed to be glowing. Every seemed to be at that moment, and as Sirius looked around it made him feel warm. He'd lived in such a cold hell hole his entire life that having a warm family felt amazing. He finally had someone to love and be loved by him and a son. Life couldn't ever get better then this.

**THE END!**

**(A/N: Okay so this was gonna be longer but I ended up going with the quick happy ending cause in the end it's how I felt. And because I have two one-shots I'm trying to do and can't seem to with this on my mind. Yes more Sirius and Remus so rejoice. Anyway thank you all for reading and reveiwing this. Oh and I'm looking for a beta and rp (roleplay) partner anyway ttfn)**


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